By The Numbers

Pounds of taco meat made for nephew’s Mexican-themed graduation party: 12

Number of freshly graduated 18 year old boys who helped consume said meat: 20

Cans of 5 lbs. pre-made nacho cheese purchased: 4

Dares made to drink entire can of nacho cheese: 2

Number of people who collected on dare: 0

Gallons of lemonade made: 8

Number of people who likely thought said lemonade was margarita mix but already committed to a glass: 10

Times my father bitched about the foamy beer in the keg: 30+

Times he offered to get ice to ensure foam would dissapate: 0

Beers he drank from said foamy keg: 8

Times my father made dirty jokes about cornhole: 10

Times this made me feel like I was in an episode of All in the Family: 8

Bad jokes told about illegal Mexicans and the foreseen quality of landscaping in my yard in San Antonio: 9

Number of Hawaiian shirts: 4

Number of relatives present who did not even know I was married (although he had attended our WEDDING): 1

Times temperature was mentioned upon learning of our move to Texas: 100,000

….or River Walk: 100

…or the Alamo: 50

…Or referenced Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: 3

Time youngest nephew strategically woke up to help clean up the next day: 1 p.m.

Number of times I cried after saying goodbye to someone: 6