Showing posts with label customer service with a smirk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label customer service with a smirk. Show all posts

Friday, September 18, 2009

Taking care of business

We rent our house in San Antonio. So, when something breaks, we call a landlord to fix it.

Seems simple, right?

Except our technical “landlords” live in Oklahoma, the property manager reminds me of Wilford Brimley with a sugar low and, because the house is new, the homebuilder has to determine if the “Thing That Breaks” is covered under warranty. And if it is…THEY hire a contractor to fix it.

Got that?

The breaker to our office is on the fritz. It keeps tripping, making it nearly impossible for me to create witty and eloquent blog entries for my loyal fan base. It needs to be fixed, pronto. Here is how the events have unfolded, thus far:

1. The husband calls the property manager.
2. The property manager calls the homeowner.
3. The Homeowner calls the builder.
4. The property manager calls me, because I am home.
5. He tells me he is calling the builder.
6. The builder calls me.
7. The builder comes over, determines it’s under warranty, calls a contractor.
8. The contractor calls me to set up an appointment, even though I am in the same room with the builder who is on the phone with the contractor.
9. The contractor comes over Monday. Seemingly fixes the issue.
10. Breaker still trips.
11. Builder calls me to check on the progress. I tell him it’s still broken.
12. He tells me to call the contractor directly.
13. I call The husband to bring him back to speed.
14. I call the contractor, make another appointment
15. The builder calls to ensure the problem is in the process of being fixed.
16. I am now waiting for the contractor to come during his über-convenient time-frame of 1:00 pm to whenever-the-hell-he-feels-like-showing-up.

Your move, contractor. Your move.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I’m pretty sure the automated customer service voice for my phone company just picked a fight with me

I had to call to cancel services and, because we are no longer living in 2002, I called with my cell phone. We didn’t even have a phone hooked up in our house until I needed to use our fax machine a few weeks ago. I haven’t even looked at a bill since 2005. Why did I need three-way calling again? And an unlisted phone number? Because of all the stalkers calling a number with no phone attached?

My conversation:

ATT asshole automated voice: Hello, and what can I help you with today? Please say your request clearly.

Me (speaking slowly and crystal clearly): I need to cancel my ATT services

ATT asshole automated voice: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Please repeat.

Me (speaking louder, because everyone understands you better while shouting into the phone): I.Need. To. Cancel. My. SERVICES!

ATT asshole automated voice (using his automated condescending tone): OK I see you are calling from 216-###-#### (again, my cell phone) we do not have that phone number on file. Are you sure you have an account with us? Please say the number attached to your account now.

Me: 216-###-#### (my home number)

ATT asshole automated voice: OK, let me just pull up your information then.

**waiting, waiting, waiting***

ATT asshole automated voice: I am transferring you to a live customer service rep, please hold.

Me: D’oh! What is the point of the automated service if you can’t service me!!! Stupid-dummy-computer voice!

Cue slow jazz Muzak. This is 2009, you’d think they’d want something more upbeat while I wait. Perhaps some Beyonce? Black Eyed Peas? I could totally rock out to "Boom Boom Pow!" while dealing with phone ’tards.

**20-freaking-minutes later**

Live customer service script reader: Hello Mrs. (insert my maiden name), I see you want to cancel your services and I am very sorry to hear that. Can you tell me the reason?

Me: Yes, I’m moving to Texas and no longer need a phone…in Ohio.

Live customer service script reader now going off script: Ah, it’s definitely warm down there!