Showing posts with label its hot in Texas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label its hot in Texas. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2009

Please Advise

Although I am beginning to feel like a local here in San Anton (no one actually calls it San Antonio OR the Alamo City – except the Chamber of Commerce), there are some things I just don’t get:

How can every restaurant be voted “Best Margarita in the City”?

How come we can go 70 mph on the highway … but no one actually does? This is five more miles extra than Ohio highways, people! I want to feel the wind in my hair at 70! Or, at least above 60 mph. Please fix.

Why are there no less than five weather segments on any given newscast? We all know what it will be tomorrow: F*cking hot and party sunny.

Why is the news so sensational here? Every news piece gets its own dramatic intro music – I swear I saw a news story about the lines at the Head Start building today. That was the story: The lines are long. The Husband’s and my favorite news channel is Fox, mostly because of the cheesy banter between the weather guy (I heart Alex Garcia) and the news casters. And they don’t sit at the big desk like in Cleveland (perhaps Ohio newscasters are simply lazy?)… they stand like they’re waiting for the keg to open at a cookout or something. It’s like watching Anchorman. “News team…assemble!”

Why didn’t neon Spandex biker pants go out of style yet in San Antonio?

How come the tax free weekend won’t cover a brand new Kate Spade messenger bag? I am going back to school and I need it.

How come, despite a quarterly pest control guy and my own “pest management practice” (read: spraying the baseboards with store-purchased any killer) I have ants in my balsamic vineager? And …really? Basamic? Don’t ants usually hide in sugar? … perhaps I am living with ants that have developed sophisticated palates.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Here are the top 10 things I cannot live without in San Antonio:

[Editor's Note: OK I stole this idea from a fellow blogging San Antonio newcomer who actually gets HER blogs posted on the San Antonio New Express Web site. She moved here two months before we did…stealing my dream job of blogging about San Anton with a purpose (read: pay check)! But I enjoy her blogs anyway and we actually have a lot in common…]

1.Chips and salsa. I'm not sure I've been to a restaurant that doesn't serve these up upon arrival YET. So far our fav is the salsa at Guajillo's (which I can never write without googling the proper spelling...sigh).

2. Bodies of water. I am just NOT accustomed to months-long stretches of 100+ degree days.... At least we can escape by tubing or kayaking on the Guadalupe and Comal, lounging at Canyon Lake (if it hasn’t dried up yet from lack of rain) or a day-trip to the ocean! In Cleveland we had the mighty banks of … Lake Erie. Which, more often than not, was not suitable for swimming due to high levels of bacteria. Yes, they do have this issue here…but that just means you go to another lake, or river, or the ocean …they’re all within a day’s drive!

3. The pool at Fort Sam. probably should be shuffled in with bodies of water, but I like having access to a pool (it’s on base) because it allows me to interact with people while The Husband is at work. I feel like a part of a community – even though, while I’m there I usually just plow through books and magazines, only stopping every 20 min. or so to jump in the water.

4. The Quarry Market (or “The Quarry” as the locals call it). It has the same vibe as Crocker Park but it also meets all of my shopping needs in one place: Whole Foods (it’s my Trader Joe’s substitute since there are NO TJ’s in the entire state of Texas – WTF?), Borders and … Old Navy. Normally, I despise this store because it’s usually filled with ill-fitting clothing made by 8-year-olds in Guam and crying babies. But when you need a collection of sundresses and tank tops to get you through a San Antonio summer, well, the ON and its annoying talking mannequins have won me over with their cheap prices. And? Every first day of the month military members get a 10% discount! Which brings me to …

5. My military ID. I get a mad discount everywhere with this baby! Not only can I buy non-taxed clothes, shoes (I got new Nike Shox for $70!), liquor (tequila is dirt cheap at the Class Six) and groceries from the PX, I saved money on my rental car (for when I am back in Cleveland next month), hotels, books, Old Navy, you name it. I look morbidly obese in the photo, but most people never look at it.

6. Sunscreen. Because jesus on a pogo stick do I burn easy this close to the equator!

7. Skirts. Because … did I mention it’s hot in Texas? It's like built-in wardrobe air conditioning. I haven’t worn pants since May. In fact, I tried on a pair of pants the other day and they were way too big! I guess I am losing some weight (likely due to all the sweating in the heat. It's hot here) … which brings me to …

8. My Gold’s Gym membership. I’m not sure you could call me an exercise addict because I’d have to be stick thin to qualify, no? But I am at this place - which is a scant 2 miles from my house - EVERY DAY, SOMETIMES TWICE. I’m not bragging by any means. It’s my outlet for stress, sadness, loneliness and anger. Plus, I found several classes that I just love: BodyJam is sort of like training to be a Britney backup singer or in an R&B music video. I’ve learned a lot of crazy dances and moves. Granted, that rhythm and skill I don’t have in Zumba? Yeah, it applies here too. But it’s way fun to groove to “Party Like a Rock Star” and “Turnin Me On” By Keri Hilson/Lil Wayne. Then there’s BodyAttack which is hard to describe. It’s like boot camp – you run in place and do calisthenics and jumping jacks until you pass out. I love it. Plus, the instructors are really fun and the people in the classes are not tan, anorexic cougars like back home....they're real people.

9. Facebook. True to its advertising, it’s my connection to my friends and family. And when you’re often alone for 8-hour stretches, it’s vital to my sanity.

10. The Husband. Aw, I know, sap. But he is my rock here. My best friend and … the only one I know in this city other than my Aveda Institiute hair stylist – and that’s only because it took about three and a half hours to make me a blonde yesterday, so we had some time to chat.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Hot Hot Heat

Just in case you think I am exaggerating...


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things I Never Worried About In Cleveland

Heat Stroke after no less than 40 min. outside. I’m not kidding, people die here like Cleveland midges during mating season. Right now we’re under a Level 2 heat advisory … sort of the reverse Winter Weather Advisory – you’re not supposed to spend time outside unless completely necessary (like working on my Texas tan, for example.)

Lack of water. San Antonio is actually built over an aquifer and it’s at “dangerously low levels” right now. This means no watering the lawn, no filling of pools and no car washing. Considering Cleveland was flooding the last time I checked this is an odd concept to get used to. No one cares about their lawn here – because they’re all the same color: straw. The funny thing is that my landlord has a lawn care company (!) and they came out today (!) ….and “mowed” the straw. Am I crazy to think this is a waste of resources? In 101 degree weather (see above).

Getting heat stroke while getting the mail. Postal workers have it easy here. All of the mailboxes in my neighborhood are in one place – and that’s up a steep hill in brain-frying heat. I don’t care how stupid I look driving 50 feet for mail.

Snakes. With intimidating-sounding names like Diamond-Backed Water Snake, Speckled Kingsnake, Western Coachwhip and Desert King Snake! There is a field behind my backyard and two empty lots on either side of us that apparently make ideal living conditions for these things. I saw a news story on snakes crawling up water pipes and it makes me more than a little nervous.

Finding a good beer. If it’s not Tecate, Lone Star or Budweiser, you need to go to “one ‘o’ them fancy-like beer stores” for microbrews. I miss you, Dortmunder. I am also missing Christmas in July and it makes me want to cry a little.

Throwing something away. You get one trash bin and one recycling bin for all of your week’s garbage needs to fit into that. Do you have any idea how many trees the moving company wasted on packing up our shit? We have no less than 20 boxes full of paper. It will take us three years to dispose of all of that! Oh and theer are NO garbage pickers in San Anton. I miss watching people clabber for broken televisions and headboards RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Maybe I should have listened to the warnings

...because San Antonio is HOT.

Like Africa hot.

RIDUCULOUS hot.

HOTT.

Sweat-though-your-shorts-hot.

Even the wind is hot.

and...to quote my garbage man "Hotter than a bitches titty hot."

San Antonio = hot