Wednesday, March 9, 2011

If someone says this one more time to me I will punch him/her in the face

“You’re still here?” Is there some purgatory that 9-month pregnant women go to while waiting for labor? If so, WHERE IS IT? Because I’d like to send you there.

“Still haven’t had that baby yet, huh?” Actually, yes, I did. And then I ate my baby’s weight in pizza and beer and am keeping my child in this desk drawer because I just CANNOT stay away from my job!

“Enjoy these last days of babyless peace and quiet!” Besides the swollen feet that keep me from working out in any capacity, the constant feeling in my, er, cookie, that I’ve just completed the Tour de France, and the debilitating exhaustion that lands me square on my couch every night after work…but yeah, I sure am enjoying these last few days!

“Are you ready?” No….I’d actually like to be pregnant a few more months, please. Nine months just doesn’t cover the sheer joy I’m feeling ALL DAY LONG (see above)!

“I bet you’re looking forward to getting your body back.” It’s been nearly 10 months since I’ve had a stiff drink AND fit into anything with a zipper. I’d say I’m more than a little excited.

“Are you planning on going back to work?” What? Did someone not tell me that babies and all the equipment they require are free in Texas?