Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It's Alive!

I heard baby's heartbeat today! It's one thing to see the flicker on the screen, quite another to hear it for yourself.

The nurse: "and...there it is! strong too!"
Me: "so it's definitely living, then? Crap. It's gonna need a crib and diapers and stuff I guess"
Nurse: "I love moms with a sense of humor."

It's goo that she got my jokes because when I got there and saw that dreaded hospital gown and the stirrups in place on the examine table I laughed and said, "Oh goody! I have been looking forward to THIS ALL DAY." and skipped into the bathroom to change. The ladies know what comes next...the guys..well, let's say it's a SPECIAL exam just for girls.

I think the hormones are making me a tad nuts.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Team Preggers

Last night The husband tool full advantage of my ever growing waistline and took me to Rudy's (www.rudys.com) for Barbeque.It was my first trip there sine we moved there and it was clear the number of pregnant ladies outnumbered rotund husbands by about 5 to 1. It's clear the ability to eat vast amounts of smoked meat without guilt is one advantage of being pregnant.

stay strong sistas.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


  • Constant gas – we’re talking room-clearing, eternal flatulence
  • Heartburn
  • Going to bed at 8:30 p.m.
  • Feeling “fat” all of the time
  • Back pain

Nope, these aren't MY symptoms, they're The Husband’s. Pretty sure he’s the one actually pregnant, not me.

If these are sympathy pangs, he better be open to ALSO gaining that 30 lbs the doctor told me to, as well.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Money shot

So The Husband and I had our first glimpse of lil' Jelly Bean on Tuesday with an 8-week ultrasound. Yeah, it's not what you think. It's an INTERNAL exam...meaning I got to stick a wand up in me with a small audience in the room (tech, nurse, Husband...). Not my finest moment. Then, the tech uses the wand to navigate my cookie looking for signs of life.

The whole process is a bit like when you're on a plan and you decide to forego the headphones for the movie. Then, all of a sudden people are laughing and pointing while you and sit with your in-flight magazine studying the drink menu and map of Dulles Airport in the back wondering what the hell is so damn amusing. The husband looks like he's watching a really good porn and the tech is nervously peeking around in my uterus saying "ooh, I found the bladder! Oh! There's your left ovary! You have two ovaries after all."

FINALLY Mr. McNervous McNotFunnyPants shows me the screen and points out a little flicker. "That's the heartbeat."

And then it's all worth it...except if he maybe could have let go of the wand while saying it. Hello! It's not a stick shift!

It's too early to learn the baby's sex and we don't know if he or she is normal or has some life-threatening disease...or if he/she's hiding a second brother or sister behind him/her...but we DO know that:
1. He or she is human, and
2. He or she is alive

That's enough for me for now:)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Things I experience every day in San Antonio, that are non-existent in Ohio

  • Cowboy boots with a suit
  • Five-day forecasts of nothing but triple digit temperatures and a smiley sun icon
  • Being the only white girl (gringo) in my yoga class
  • Lizards on my porch after rain
  • An hour-long news segment on the Dallas Cowboys PRE-SEASON football games.
  • Camouflage everywhere.
  • Cheaper beer prices than water and soda
  • Cowboy hats with running shoes
  • Mariachi music when I am on hold for the doctor

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Bad Idea

Never EVER search "Child birth, labor" on You Tube.

This baby is never coming out of me, ever.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Things I Crave: An 8 Week Confession

The second thing people ask me when I tell them I am pregnant (after "You? Pregnant?" OK third question...) is if I have any strange cravings. I think they're hoping for a pickles and ice cream tale, but if you know me, you know that's in my diet already. I regularly call gummi worms lunch and cereal dinner. What Baby is craving is four food groups and a healthy balance of fiber and protein, apparently. Over the past two weeks I've had insatiable cravings for:

Salad: specifically with beautifully crunchy romaine lettuce and all the toppings from the Whole Foods salad bar. The Husband can't appreciate my $9-three-days-a-week must-have fix just yet, but when my child has all four limbs, a nose and two eyes...buddy, HE IS GONNA THANK ME. (Note: there are .05 grams of protein in a bag of gummi worms...)

Water with lemon: This may or may not have to do with the fact that the water that comes from the water fountain in my centuries-old office building tastes centuries-old.

Watermelon: I actually ate an entire seedless watermelon in one sitting. And my stomach looked like it when finished - and full of water.

Chocolate milk: Look, it's kinda healthy.

Weather under 90 degrees: Because swooning is SO 1854. It's unbecoming in the middle of the mall, too.

A glass of REAL pinot noir. Because Alcohol Free Wine? No. Just...no. Same goes for you, O'Doul's Amber Ale.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

She's back!

Ah, but I am no longer an unemployed housewife! In fact, my life has made a complete 180 since my last post. I got a job, I got a promotion, I made friends, I learned to love life and Texas and...

I'm pregnant!

I thought I'd continue my blog as a way for family and friends who are just ITCHING to know the ins and outs of my pregnancy. I'll be honest, being away from immediate family while pregnant will be hard. And it's not just because I know I won't get a baby shower! wait...is it?

So far, the pregnancy has been smooth sailing. I vaguely remember my sister living at home while she was pregnant and throwing up all day. I used to throw up in the kitchen sink just from hearing those wretched puking sounds. THAT is how much I hate puke in all forms. Yet, I am voluntarily sailing into puking waters with my own possible puking stage and baby puke. Ever notice baby puke smells like hot sour milk?

But so far...no morning sickness! Just the occasional faintness and back pain like I've never experienced in my LIFE.

In fact, I made The Husband buy a FIFTH pregnancy test because...honestly? Shouldn't I feel something? A little twinge? A little tug? Do I have to be a mom to have a maternal instinct? I feel NOTHING. So in addition to four at-home tests, a urine test at the doctor and another test today....I'm finally convinced I am most likely, possibly pregnant.

I hope?

Wait...this is why everyone calls pregnant ladies crazy, right?