Monday, February 21, 2011

Things I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to say or do when I am a parent

1. Consider gummi worms, bears or any red chewy candy dinner. This is something I regularly did as a single girl (hello? fat free.) and still resort to in a pinch if hungry and lazy. which is often.

2. Say "fuck." I am a huge fan of this word. Second in line: "retarded." Parents don't say these things, right? I need to start replacing these words with "gosh!" and "fudge!" and completely losing all sense of my former self.

3. Watch as many obesity reality shows as I currently do. I love "Heavy," "I Used To Be Fat," "600 lbs. Mom," you name it. This kid is going to have a complex from birth.

4. Watch as much MTV as I do. Although, "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" have been wonderful educational tools for me.

5. Listen to '90s music at top volume in my car. Granted, I am now the proud owner of Ultimate Mom Car - The Honda CR-V, which just screams Hott. But I doubt my kid will appreciate Biggie's "Hypnotize," EMF's "Unbelievable," or the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" as much as I do.

Am I mature enough to be a mom?