“Uncle!”

In the nine weeks (!) I’ve been unemployed…I have been rejected 12 times.

Well, I wish I could say I knew with certainty that I’d been rejected, because no one has ever bothered to call me or e-mail me to tell me, “Your resume was impressive but we went with someone with [insert lame reason, like someone more “local” even though I am moving there in two weeks, or “younger” meaning they think I want a lot of money. Seriously? As long as it’s more than the $350 or so I make a week in unemployment I don’t really care about the amount of zeros at the end of the salary.]

I didn’t even get one of those generic postcards that let everyone know – even my postal guy – that I am not qualified for whatever job I applied for. “…But thanks for your interest!”

..and I really don't believe they keep those resumes on file for a year.

What’s that? Maybe I should stop applying for Manager of Rocket Science At Really Important Global Company?

I wish it were that easy.

I am applying for entry-level positions here. And clerical jobs. I applied for a part-time assistant office manager for chissake. Do office managers really need assistants? Isn’t that…what the office manager is for? To assist with the office and manage its “complex” inner workings of planning the holiday party and sorting the office supplies?

I have even been witty and said in my cover letters “I bet you think I want a huge salary to go with my impressive resume, huh? Nope. I just want to mark ‘employed’ on the lease of our rental in Texas.”

Nothing.

Nada.

I am so going to be peddling overpriced lotion at Bath and Body Works. Or slinging lattes at Starbucks. Both jobs of which I have had prior experience. But those nine years of journalism experience? Not important in “today’s economic downturn.”

The economy can suck it.