Sunday, October 24, 2010

Lazy Kid

I used to watch "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" in awe and horror. How can someone NOT KNOW she's pregnant? How detached from your body can you be? Or, how OBESE are you?

Well, now I know.

This kid is going on 5 months and I've yet to hear from him/her. Not a kick, jab or grumble. OK, yes, I get to hear the heartbeat at the doctor...but it's taken by military nurses-in-training. One of whom once mistakened my own heartbeat for the baby's and sent me into a state of shock when she said: "Hmm...normally it's faster than that. I'm going to have to get the doctor."

Turns out the baby's heartbeat is heard MUCH lower than, say, my chest, idiot.

and yes, we had the early ultrasound that showed a little peanut...but that was MONTHS ago. I need daily affirmation.

Yes, I am growing a belly...but I am also known to polish off an entire Domino's California Veggie pizza in one sitting. If this is a "craving" it's my only one and it's one I've had for 33 years (or the 10 months I've known this little pizza from heaven existed) I could easily just be fat.

I didn't get morning sickness.

My hands and feet swell in hot weather no matter what.

My new porn star rack could easily be chalked up to above pizza binges.

That "glow" as the husband puts it could be attributed to the vast amounts of sleep I get on the weekends and a recent facial.

Come ON kid. You're making mom worry.

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