Friday, August 21, 2009

Please Advise

Although I am beginning to feel like a local here in San Anton (no one actually calls it San Antonio OR the Alamo City – except the Chamber of Commerce), there are some things I just don’t get:

How can every restaurant be voted “Best Margarita in the City”?

How come we can go 70 mph on the highway … but no one actually does? This is five more miles extra than Ohio highways, people! I want to feel the wind in my hair at 70! Or, at least above 60 mph. Please fix.

Why are there no less than five weather segments on any given newscast? We all know what it will be tomorrow: F*cking hot and party sunny.

Why is the news so sensational here? Every news piece gets its own dramatic intro music – I swear I saw a news story about the lines at the Head Start building today. That was the story: The lines are long. The Husband’s and my favorite news channel is Fox, mostly because of the cheesy banter between the weather guy (I heart Alex Garcia) and the news casters. And they don’t sit at the big desk like in Cleveland (perhaps Ohio newscasters are simply lazy?)… they stand like they’re waiting for the keg to open at a cookout or something. It’s like watching Anchorman. “News team…assemble!”

Why didn’t neon Spandex biker pants go out of style yet in San Antonio?

How come the tax free weekend won’t cover a brand new Kate Spade messenger bag? I am going back to school and I need it.

How come, despite a quarterly pest control guy and my own “pest management practice” (read: spraying the baseboards with store-purchased any killer) I have ants in my balsamic vineager? And …really? Basamic? Don’t ants usually hide in sugar? … perhaps I am living with ants that have developed sophisticated palates.

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