Over the past year I too caught onto the Facebook craze, leaving my MySpace account to wonder “Was it something I said?” Everyone is on Facebook. Everyone. My nephew, my cousins, high school friends, college friends, sorority sisters, former co-workers, former bosses (!), my MOTHER, even Dick F*cking Goddard! We’ve all reunited in cyberspace and I now know what my ex-boyfriend in high school had for dinner last night and all of my friends can see me drunkenly making love to a bottle of vodka in high school thanks to picture tagging.
Don’t get me wrong. I love catching up with old friends. I love seeing pictures of their kids and what they do for a living (and I love explaining to them that I am unemployed. For the fourth time. It makes me seem really successful.) But…there are some things I just don’t need to know about my fellow Facebookers:
· What you did five minutes ago. Or ten minutes ago. Basically, if you update your Facebook status every hour … Your life is not that exciting. Because if it was? You wouldn’t be on Facebook in the first place.
· That you wish it was 5:00
· That you hate Mondays.
· That you wish it was Friday.
· That you wish it was still the weekend. We get it.
· That you are a fan of Raisinettes
· That you “sent” me a “cocktail.” I am unemployed bitches. Send me the real thing!
· That you are a fan of rainbows
· What ’80s song best describes you
· What Beverly Hills 90210 character you are
· That you want me to join your mafia family in a war. What does this even mean? Are we fighting? Are you having someone killed? Is there a Facebook app for that too?
· That you don’t like the new Facebook layout
· That you have thrown a shoe at me.
· What your errands are for the day.
I’m gonna make some frenemies with this post I know it.
3 months ago