Friday, May 29, 2009

Face(book)ing The Cold, Hard Truth

Over the past year I too caught onto the Facebook craze, leaving my MySpace account to wonder “Was it something I said?” Everyone is on Facebook. Everyone. My nephew, my cousins, high school friends, college friends, sorority sisters, former co-workers, former bosses (!), my MOTHER, even Dick F*cking Goddard! We’ve all reunited in cyberspace and I now know what my ex-boyfriend in high school had for dinner last night and all of my friends can see me drunkenly making love to a bottle of vodka in high school thanks to picture tagging.

Don’t get me wrong. I love catching up with old friends. I love seeing pictures of their kids and what they do for a living (and I love explaining to them that I am unemployed. For the fourth time. It makes me seem really successful.) But…there are some things I just don’t need to know about my fellow Facebookers:

· What you did five minutes ago. Or ten minutes ago. Basically, if you update your Facebook status every hour … Your life is not that exciting. Because if it was? You wouldn’t be on Facebook in the first place.

· That you wish it was 5:00

· That you hate Mondays.

· That you wish it was Friday.

· That you wish it was still the weekend. We get it.

· That you are a fan of Raisinettes

· That you “sent” me a “cocktail.” I am unemployed bitches. Send me the real thing!

· That you are a fan of rainbows

· What ’80s song best describes you

· What Beverly Hills 90210 character you are

· That you want me to join your mafia family in a war. What does this even mean? Are we fighting? Are you having someone killed? Is there a Facebook app for that too?

· That you don’t like the new Facebook layout

· That you have thrown a shoe at me.

· What your errands are for the day.

I’m gonna make some frenemies with this post I know it.

1 comment:

  1. frenemies. ha.

    I agree with this. so funny.

    although I am guilty of some of it :) and even though i won't bombard people with quiz results, every once in a while I am compelled to find out what Seinfeld character I am, which NKOTB member I should be with...a bunch of that crap. For some reason I need to KNOW the results of a quiz that some ten-year old made up.

    and what's with the mafia shit? i don't want to be in your mafia or your vampire war or whatever! people ask me and I politely ignore. then they keep asking me and I wish there was an option to say "DUDE!!!! come on!"