Stupid Things People Say To Me After I Tell Them I Am Unemployed (With Commentary)

“God. I’d love to be able to do whatever I want all day.”
Hey, asshole – newsflash: When you are unemployed no one is exactly throwing dollar bills at you (because then you would be an EMPLOYED stripper). Yeah. I have 24-hours a day with no responsibilities. And NO MONEY to do anything. I spend a lot of time at the library.

“Have you thought about going back to school? They always need nurses.”
Yes I have…and I am aware of the increasing importance of the nursing shortage in the U.S. However, I also have no transferrable skills. Journalism – Nursing. They don’t exactly need my flare for satire on the operating table.

“Well, now’s the perfect time to have a baby.”
Yes, because of all that MONEY we have coming in. My child will not be on WIC and run around in nothing but a diaper thankyouverymuch.

“You’re getting paid by the government to do NOTHING. That’s awesome."
Um, I have to fill out forms every week proving that I have a brain and will not take advantage and suck on the teet of the unemployment office. Oh, and unemployment lasts for nine months.

“Can you [insert stupid task or errand that is typically accomplished during the day] for me?”
No.