Dear U.S. Army:
Here is a list of things I DO actually need to know about moving to San Antonio:
-How to freeze my mail service even though we have no new address
-How to register my car in Texas
-How to collect unemployment in Texas (I feel like the state of Ohio is all “yes! We lost another one! Someone in accounting gets a bonus!”)
-Suitable neighborhoods in San Antonio
-Does the Army offer career assistance to military spouses?
-How exactly is it that I will survive 25 hours in a car by myself on the drive down there?
-How to hire movers
-When to hire movers
-How to get out of my Urban Active contract
-How to gain access to my medical files so the doctors in Texas will know about my mental disorder
-How to fire the so-called welcome committee people who gave me three maps of San Antonio and no guidance on how to rent a house there.
Here is an actual list of things I now know or have due to our “welcome package:”
-We get discounts to Sea World, Six Flags and Disney World
-The Judson School System is geared to deal with military families
-Events/festivals going on in San Antonio in … May
-Coupons to the Hard Rock Café!
-The Military is one big family …nothing at all like that Lifetime series.
Perhaps when I get there we can discuss possible career opportunities for me in the Family Services and Recreation division of Ft. Sam Houston. I have a feeling I have a lot to bring to this table. We’ll start with coupons to the nearest bar because I have a feeling I will be spending a lot of time there.